Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Shannon talks too much

So this happened:


From: mrsnivel@randomschool.emailaddress
To: me

Subject: Shannon

Good Afternoon,

I just wanted to touch base with you about Shannon.  While she is a very polite and sincere student, she seems to have a bit of a problem focusing in my class and is very talkative with others.  At this time I am going to initiate a seat change and see if that helps her improve her focus.  It is very important that students remain focused and complete the work in order to pass the course which is a requirement for graduation.  I wanted to inform you of this now so we can rectify it and avoid escalation to office involvement.  If you have any questions please contact me.

All the best,

Mr B Snivel

9th Grade SpringBoard
12th Grade World Literature

City High School, USA

From: me
To: mrsnivel@randomschool.emailaddress

Subject: Shannon


Sorry for the delay in responding to this.

I am NOT Shannon's caregiver. In fact, I am a Grants Manager working in Ho Chi Minh City, in Vietnam.  I guess that the poor woman who is responsible for Shannon is also called Katrina Lawson, but I can assure you this is not her email address.

I'm so sorry about Shannon.  She sounds like a pain in the b !u m (you see - I bet your school has one of those "no swears" email filters, so I have modified my typing for you).  I really think you should just say: "Shut up, Shannon!" I bet you wish you could.

When I'm having a cr ! ppy time, I look for poems.

Here's a poem about Shannon. Maybe:

By Emily Dickinson
They shut me up in Prose –
As when a little Girl
They put me in the Closet –
Because they liked me “still”   –

Still! Could themself have peeped –
And seen my Brain – go round –
They might as wise have lodged a Bird
For Treason – in the Pound –

Himself has but to will
And easy as a Star
Look down opon Captivity –
And laugh – No more have I –
I'm not saying you should lock her in a cupboard. But it obviously worked for Emily Dickinson, so perhaps?

Anyway, do you think you could have word to your school administrator about getting me off your infernal list of notices?  Because I'm not Shannon's mother, and I don't care about open nights, school plays, parking restrictions or even Shannon, actually.

Thanks ever so much!

Katrina Lawson
Grants Manager


  1. If only she would reply to your email! I would've dearly loved getting an email like that if I was Shannon's teacher, would make my day. And I would've replied, in a nice way of course.

    1. I should update!

      I DID get a reply, but it wasn't very friendly or exciting.

      it just said:

      I am so sorry, I will inform the office they have the wrong information in our system.

      Not even a Dear Katrina!

      I don't really get the American sense of humour, though, or maybe Americans don't get me?

  2. Hahahaha Katrina, this is hilarious! and I know it sucks when that teacher replied in such a corny way.